On making friends

The title of this post is making me laugh because it's all serious like I'm about to write a dissertation with step by step instructions on how to make friends.

I'm not.

But God's been showing something to me lately that I think is worth passing on. It's definitely not rocket science, it's something that maybe other people already do or at least already try to do, but it's been a hard thing for *me* to do despite being well worth it.

Moving all the time (well, not all the time, but certainly frequently), gives me lots of opportunities to make new friends. Unfortunately, it's also given me lots of opportunities to judge people too quickly.

I used to have this attitude when I moved to a new place: find people that I have lots in common with, ignore other people, hope person I have lots in common with needs new friends, if they don't: go be sad.

Um. Wrong.

Oftentimes, those other people I was ignoring had the potential to be my bestest friend and I was ignoring them for pretty stupid reasons. "Oh, she wears nice clothes, she won't want to be my friend." "Oh, look at that pretty jewelry, I don't wear jewelry." "She wears makeup to go to the gym, I think that's silly." And most recently: "Her kid's clothes match, she won't want to hang out with my mis-matched Jade."

I've realized that my reasons for judging other people are often my own insecurities talking. Most of the time, that person with the well-dressed kid could care less that I let Jade dress herself.

So here comes my big point (wouldn't want you to miss it amidst all the rambling): look for things you have in common with people instead of things that you don't.

GASP.

Haha, I know, I know. Not rocket science. But seriously? I know I'm not the only one who struggles with this. For some strange reason, we often believe that we can only be friends with people that are just like us. This is incredibly stupid.

For New Years, my five bestest friends in the whole world got together at a cabin in North Georgia. At one point, I was sitting there looking around thinking "I don't have anything in common with these people". We've been best friends forever, and when we met we had all the important things in common. But now, 10+ years later, not so much. One stay-at-home-mom, 2 working moms, 1 pregnant working mom, 1 working girl that just likes being an Aunt. The list goes on. We don't dress similarly. We don't listen to all the same music anymore. (Of course, I mainly listen to Veggie Tales, but I digress) We don't like all the same foods, the same movies, or the same TV shows. We spend our free time completely different ways. If I met these people now, I might completely ignore them. Decide we don't have enough in common to pursue a friendship. Be intimidated. But these girls are some of the most important people in my life. We have everything that matters in common. We all have a zeal for the Lord and a love for each other.

So now, when I meet people, instead of judging or jumping to conclusions, I look for things we have in common. Sometimes, certainly, I'm still drawn to people I have more in common with. And there's nothing wrong with that, because I'm no longer cutting other people out without even giving them a chance. I'm realizing that iron sharpens iron and just because someone doesn't parent the same way I do doesn't mean I can't be their friend. That some people that take time to look nice every morning aren't conceited and generally they're not judging me because I don't bother.

The body of Christ is made up of people from all walks of life with completely different gifts and abilities. We can't operate without each other, so I was so often short-changing myself and other people by looking for people just like me. Now that I have given God a chance to show me how awesome people are that are nothing like me, I am realizing how full my life can be. How being around people that do things differently from me is a good thing. We truly need to stop judging people based on their appearances and one short conversation and really take the time to get to know people. It can be surprising :)

Best-est friends ever

Sometimes, I sit down to write and it just flows. Today was not one of those days, but I refused to have another day without a new post. So, my friends, I'm sorry, but you're just gonna have to deal :)

I won't lie, sometimes I feel lonely. Moving has its advantages, but making super-close friends isn't one of them. I have no problems finding people to do things with, but finding people that I am really able to completely open myself up to is a different story. I don't know if it's me being too reserved (me? reserved? right) or my tendency to talk A LOT about RANDOM CRAP when I meet new people that hinders relationships. Back in college, I had several (ok, like 8... or 9) people tell me that I intimidated them. This baffles me completely because I have no idea what about myself intimidates people, but whatever. In Alaska, I tended to be more reserved until I found my "token" civilian friend that I did truly open up to.

Honestly, I'm generally afraid that people can't handle me. I'm a tough pill. Chuck frequently refers to me as "his little conundrum". The depression? People don't get that. That I'm better, but still have bad days sometimes. That I can be very social, but I rarely like crowds. That I treasure my time to myself, but also desperately need to get out of the house and see people. And then I write things like this and think "that can't be that weird". I sometimes think that I just think that I'm weird and I'm really not, but I want to feel special so I keep saying that I am. Got that?

I find that most people keep a veil around their lives, and even though I would love to take mine down, I need someone else to do it first. Maybe they need me to do it first. But I never quite get there... just when I'm about to open up, I close down again for one reason or another and the relationship never reaches the level that it could. I open up so much more easily on paper, but writing notes isn't as cool now as it was in middle school.

But these girls?

Well, it's just different. We've known each other forever. And despite the fact that only two of us still live in the town we grew up in, we've not only managed to keep in touch, but to deepen our friendship. I half want to go through and tell you why each one of them is so awesome, but I really don't think anyone cares. But I will say this- even though I sometimes feel lonely... because of the distance and such, I know that I am never alone in my struggles. That I have prayer warriors knocking on the door of Heaven with me and even for me when I'm too weary to knock on that door myself.

We had such a sweet visit while they were in town and an amazing time of fellowship and prayer where we truly opened up, bared souls and lifted needs to our Father. So even though moving to Oklahoma is a bit scary, I know that my girls in Georgia (and Tennessee!) will always be there for me. We always make it a priority to be there for each other (like driving 12 hours to meet a new baby, for instance) and I know that each of them is just a phone call away.

And I went off on some tangents there, but I'm gonna hit publish anyways. It'll just have to be ok...