This is one of those posts that is beginning with a random thought circling around in my head. I have no idea if this will come out as a coherent thought, or if it will be a bunch of gibberish. So I guess we'll find out together :) I plan to just type and hit publish, so forgive me for typos and any other errors you find.
I keep hearing, over and over that so-and-so doesn't "deserve" something.
"That person on the corner doesn't deserve any of my hard-earned money."
"My husband never cleans up, so he doesn't deserve me to cook for him."
Or, conversely, that someone does deserve something.
"I deserve to relax during naptime because my kids are driving me crazy."
"I deserve that night out because I never get time to myself."
... and it goes on and on.
Now I'm not saying that all of those things are *bad* things. I'm just saying that I think we have it all wrong. The fact is, no one deserves anything. No one. We all have sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God. All of us. So we're all adulterers, murderers, gossipers, slanderers. All of us.
And then there's this wonderful thing called Grace. Grace that none of us deserve. Grace that no one has done anything to earn. Grace that God lavishes upon us anyways.
So who cares if your husband is a bad husband? Be a good wife anyways. Who cares what the person on the corner is going to do with the money you give them? Give it anyways. Your kids driving you nuts? Serve them by keeping a clean home anyways. Never get any time to yourself? Be joyful anyways.
I hope this goes without saying, but I am definitely talking to myself as well as I'm writing this. This morning I found myself losing my patience over and over again and praying for grace and patience over and over again. Some days I am so weary that I long for a trip to get coffee by myself like some people long for Hawaiian vacations. But I am trying very hard to rid myself of the sense of entitlement that I sometimes bring to my prayers. To live my life humbly, not haughtily. Because I am very, very blessed.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Monday, November 5, 2012
Miss Jade- age 2.5
Ok, I know I already wrote a letter but I have to do this too :)
*Talks all.the.time. All the time.
*Goes through phases where she absolutely hates the bath. I realize hate is a strong word, but it might not be strong enough. Despise, maybe? She screams bloody murder like we're trying to kill her and then two weeks later she loves it again. Makes no sense.
*Just started actually pretending to be the person she's dressed up as. If she's in her Rapunzel dress, she insists I call her Rapunzel and not Jade.
*We listened to the same CD in the car for about 3 months- Veggie Tales Lyle the Kindly Viking. So glad we've moved past that one.
*Is now rear-facing in her carseat again. She doesn't seem to mind and mama feels much better about how safe she is.
*Has a tricycle (that has a push handle) that she can pedal herself, although she still needs some help steering.
*Loves to take care of and wear her baby dolls.
*Can say her bedtime prayer (from this book) and her mealtime prayer all by herself.
*Fully thinks a band-aid and kiss from mom fixes every booboo.
*Hates slides. Hates. We're working on being brave and how it's ok to be scared but we still have to try. It's not a fun process.
*Loves to walk Belle.
*Is doing really well with potty training. She still sleeps in pull ups, but the rest of the time she's in underwear. I wouldn't call her "done" but she's doing a whole lot better than I anticipated.
*She still asks me what I'm doing pretty consistently, although not as much as when she turned two. She mostly now will just say "Mama, mama, mama" over and over for no reason.
*Can get herself fully dressed, although she still needs help sometimes.
*Is learning what we do on different days of the week. Monday is MDO, Tuesday gymnastics, etc.
*Is very shy/skeptical of strangers but has no problems going into childcare.
*Very possessive of Piper. If someone else (other than me or Chuck) is holding her, she gets upset.
*Beyond picky. She eats either oatmeal or cereal with yogurt for breakfast every day. Sandwich with fruit and maybe apple sauce or cheese for lunch. And for dinner, she basically never eats. It doesn't matter what I make, if it's something she liked the week/month/whatever before, the second she sees it she says "no, I don't like it" and pushes it away. I have completely given up on it because even when I make things she does like, half the time she refuses to eat it. We make her sit at the table with us while we eat so that she doesn't think meal time is play time, but I'm not going to make her eat because honestly it just isn't worth the energy and fight. Obviously, she's not that hungry. She's been like this for about a year now and I just pray that eventually she grows out of it because it truly drives me crazy.
*Knows all her letters and the sound they make.
*Has officially been declared left-handed like her mama (pretty sure I knew this when she turned 2, but I didn't write it down).
*Can finally jump, and can do a pretty awesome forward roll thanks to gymnastics.
I love this kid :)
*Talks all.the.time. All the time.
*Goes through phases where she absolutely hates the bath. I realize hate is a strong word, but it might not be strong enough. Despise, maybe? She screams bloody murder like we're trying to kill her and then two weeks later she loves it again. Makes no sense.
First day of MDO
*Just started actually pretending to be the person she's dressed up as. If she's in her Rapunzel dress, she insists I call her Rapunzel and not Jade.
*We listened to the same CD in the car for about 3 months- Veggie Tales Lyle the Kindly Viking. So glad we've moved past that one.
*Is now rear-facing in her carseat again. She doesn't seem to mind and mama feels much better about how safe she is.
*Has a tricycle (that has a push handle) that she can pedal herself, although she still needs some help steering.
*Loves to take care of and wear her baby dolls.
*Can say her bedtime prayer (from this book) and her mealtime prayer all by herself.
*Fully thinks a band-aid and kiss from mom fixes every booboo.
*Hates slides. Hates. We're working on being brave and how it's ok to be scared but we still have to try. It's not a fun process.
Wearing a leotard for the first time. We couldn't get her to put the book down :)
*Loves to walk Belle.
*Is doing really well with potty training. She still sleeps in pull ups, but the rest of the time she's in underwear. I wouldn't call her "done" but she's doing a whole lot better than I anticipated.
*She still asks me what I'm doing pretty consistently, although not as much as when she turned two. She mostly now will just say "Mama, mama, mama" over and over for no reason.
*Can get herself fully dressed, although she still needs help sometimes.
*Is learning what we do on different days of the week. Monday is MDO, Tuesday gymnastics, etc.
*Is very shy/skeptical of strangers but has no problems going into childcare.
*Beyond picky. She eats either oatmeal or cereal with yogurt for breakfast every day. Sandwich with fruit and maybe apple sauce or cheese for lunch. And for dinner, she basically never eats. It doesn't matter what I make, if it's something she liked the week/month/whatever before, the second she sees it she says "no, I don't like it" and pushes it away. I have completely given up on it because even when I make things she does like, half the time she refuses to eat it. We make her sit at the table with us while we eat so that she doesn't think meal time is play time, but I'm not going to make her eat because honestly it just isn't worth the energy and fight. Obviously, she's not that hungry. She's been like this for about a year now and I just pray that eventually she grows out of it because it truly drives me crazy.
*Knows all her letters and the sound they make.
*Has officially been declared left-handed like her mama (pretty sure I knew this when she turned 2, but I didn't write it down).
*Can finally jump, and can do a pretty awesome forward roll thanks to gymnastics.
I love this kid :)
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Halloween
It's 10:15 at night, and although for most people that's not very late, for me it is. Pathetic, I know. Pathetic or not, I'm tired but didn't want to go to bed without posting some pictures from halloween.
Yesterday was Jade's first time trick or treating. Last year, she did a trunk or treat at our church but didn't even know what candy was and just chewed on the outside of the packages because they made fun crinkly noises. The actual night of halloween, I just let her pass out candy with me, which she had fun with.
But man, did she love trick or treating yesterday. I really didn't expect to go to very many houses- she was walking and I thought she would get tired, or cold, or something, but after about the 8th house she said "I LIKE trick or treating" in this really excited voice and we just couldn't turn around. I honestly don't know that she's ever volunteered information that she likes something. I generally have to prompt her: "Jade, was that fun?" "Yes mama, lots of fun." But "I LIKE trick or treating" was all on her own.
She was super brave and would even go up to houses by herself if there were other kids there. If she had to knock on the door, mama or daddy had to go with her because she can't quite knock loudly enough :)
This year, the girls were a butterfly and a ladybug. I enjoyed deciding what they would be and just being able to tell Jade "you're gonna be a butterfly!" with an excited voice so that she would think it was the best thing ever. I don't expect it to work again next year.
Oh, and Piper was just along for the ride last night. Chuck didn't want me to wear her because "no one will be able to tell she's a ladybug", so he carried her the whole way crazy guy.
Yesterday was Jade's first time trick or treating. Last year, she did a trunk or treat at our church but didn't even know what candy was and just chewed on the outside of the packages because they made fun crinkly noises. The actual night of halloween, I just let her pass out candy with me, which she had fun with.
But man, did she love trick or treating yesterday. I really didn't expect to go to very many houses- she was walking and I thought she would get tired, or cold, or something, but after about the 8th house she said "I LIKE trick or treating" in this really excited voice and we just couldn't turn around. I honestly don't know that she's ever volunteered information that she likes something. I generally have to prompt her: "Jade, was that fun?" "Yes mama, lots of fun." But "I LIKE trick or treating" was all on her own.
She was super brave and would even go up to houses by herself if there were other kids there. If she had to knock on the door, mama or daddy had to go with her because she can't quite knock loudly enough :)
This year, the girls were a butterfly and a ladybug. I enjoyed deciding what they would be and just being able to tell Jade "you're gonna be a butterfly!" with an excited voice so that she would think it was the best thing ever. I don't expect it to work again next year.
Oh, and Piper was just along for the ride last night. Chuck didn't want me to wear her because "no one will be able to tell she's a ladybug", so he carried her the whole way crazy guy.
Letter to Jade
Miss Jade,
You are now officially two and a half years old. Even as I type that, I can't believe it. It seems like just yesterday that you turned two, but as I look back at pictures and the things I wrote about you then I realize just how much has changed.
You have adjusted so well to Oklahoma. You still occasionally ask about your friends in Virginia, but you're asking about friends here more and more. They love you at Mothers' Day Out and at church. The ladies at MDO especially love to tell me how sweet and smart you are. I definitely agree :)
You have become such a good big sister. There have been some difficulties now that Piper is moving more and showing her opinions more and more, but ultimately, you love your sister and show her that every day. It's not uncommon at all for you to sing "Jesus loves me" for Piper if we're in the car and she's fussing. She almost always stops crying when you sing to her and you get so excited because you "made Piper feel better".
Every day, I realize how much like me you are and how difficult that makes it to be your mama sometimes. I have no doubt that we will continue to butt heads as you grow older and I pray that you will always know that your daddy (both earthly and Heavenly) is there for you when you're upset with mama :) I also pray, constantly, that I will do a good job of training you up in the Lord. That your stubbornness, and temper can be reigned in for good. This is something that I'm also working on in myself!
You seem to be having a little problem with the concept of becoming a "big girl", no doubt because you see the attention Piper gets because she's a baby. Some days you declare that you are also a baby and crawl everywhere and tell me you need to wear a diaper. Other days, you proudly act like the big girl that you are. It confused me at first, and then I realized that of course it's scary to start doing new things and I know that you'll adjust soon.
We've started spending a bit more time at home, which has given us time to do some crafts here. I feel bad that I didn't do anything with you sooner, because you really enjoy it. You also loving "helping" mama cook dinner.
One of your favorite things is to put on your Rapunzel dress and dance. If we are home, there's about a 50% chance you'll be in either your Minnie dress of your Rapunzel dress. It's adorable :)
Speaking of Minnie, you STILL love to watch Mickey Mouse. I'm still waiting on you to get sick of it, but it just hasn't happened. You generally watch one episode in the morning after breakfast and one after you wake up from your nap.
One of my favorite things about you is how much you love books. You "read" them constantly, you sleep with them, you always grab one before you get out of bed and come to our room in the morning. I am constantly amazed at how many of your books you have memorized. You bring them to me about 5,000 times a day for me to read to you. I love it and truly hope that the joy you find in books never fades.
You are becoming such a beautiful little person and I am amazed every day by how much I love you. God's got big things in store for you, little one, and I can't wait to see where life takes you.
Lots of love,
Mama
You are now officially two and a half years old. Even as I type that, I can't believe it. It seems like just yesterday that you turned two, but as I look back at pictures and the things I wrote about you then I realize just how much has changed.
You have adjusted so well to Oklahoma. You still occasionally ask about your friends in Virginia, but you're asking about friends here more and more. They love you at Mothers' Day Out and at church. The ladies at MDO especially love to tell me how sweet and smart you are. I definitely agree :)
You have become such a good big sister. There have been some difficulties now that Piper is moving more and showing her opinions more and more, but ultimately, you love your sister and show her that every day. It's not uncommon at all for you to sing "Jesus loves me" for Piper if we're in the car and she's fussing. She almost always stops crying when you sing to her and you get so excited because you "made Piper feel better".
Every day, I realize how much like me you are and how difficult that makes it to be your mama sometimes. I have no doubt that we will continue to butt heads as you grow older and I pray that you will always know that your daddy (both earthly and Heavenly) is there for you when you're upset with mama :) I also pray, constantly, that I will do a good job of training you up in the Lord. That your stubbornness, and temper can be reigned in for good. This is something that I'm also working on in myself!
You seem to be having a little problem with the concept of becoming a "big girl", no doubt because you see the attention Piper gets because she's a baby. Some days you declare that you are also a baby and crawl everywhere and tell me you need to wear a diaper. Other days, you proudly act like the big girl that you are. It confused me at first, and then I realized that of course it's scary to start doing new things and I know that you'll adjust soon.
We've started spending a bit more time at home, which has given us time to do some crafts here. I feel bad that I didn't do anything with you sooner, because you really enjoy it. You also loving "helping" mama cook dinner.
One of your favorite things is to put on your Rapunzel dress and dance. If we are home, there's about a 50% chance you'll be in either your Minnie dress of your Rapunzel dress. It's adorable :)
Speaking of Minnie, you STILL love to watch Mickey Mouse. I'm still waiting on you to get sick of it, but it just hasn't happened. You generally watch one episode in the morning after breakfast and one after you wake up from your nap.
One of my favorite things about you is how much you love books. You "read" them constantly, you sleep with them, you always grab one before you get out of bed and come to our room in the morning. I am constantly amazed at how many of your books you have memorized. You bring them to me about 5,000 times a day for me to read to you. I love it and truly hope that the joy you find in books never fades.
You are becoming such a beautiful little person and I am amazed every day by how much I love you. God's got big things in store for you, little one, and I can't wait to see where life takes you.
Lots of love,
Mama
Tuesday, October 30, 2012
The state of things
I hate to leave you guys hanging after a post like last week's. I received quite a few emails/messages in response to the post and it is always so nice to know that I'm not alone. Turns out, Jade is getting her molars at the moment and I'm sure that (combined with her recovery from the virus) has something to do with her recent behavior.
I've always been a big fan of finding the cause of the behavior as opposed to just correcting the behavior. Of course, I address the behavior but I try to really think through things instead of just saying "you're being bad! Go to time out!" I know that if I'm angry with Chuck over something, I want him to find out why I'm angry and either apologize or tell me his side of things. I do not want him to say "you're acting stupid, I'm just going to ignore you now."
Sometimes I find that my way "works", other times I think it would be way easier just to spank her and tell her to shape up. But honestly, that's just not the way I parent. So last week, after I vented my way through my blog post, I planned some fun activities for just Jade and I to do. We painted, we played with the sensory tub, we made dinner, we played with play doh. We've done a lot of practicing gymnastics and running around the backyard to make sure she's burning all her energy. Saturday, Chuck took her out on a "date" for doughnuts. All things to help her realize how special she is to us. And I've found that just by consciously making that effort to spend one-on-one time with her, her behavior improves dramatically.
Now don't get me wrong, things have not been perfect around here. She's still throwing tantrums. I'm still losing my temper. She's still being sent to time out. It's just not happening quite as much as it was last week.
God has really been showing me *why* He wanted me at home more and on the road less. All of those things I've been listing up there that I've been doing with Jade? Never would have happened if I was still running every morning and running errands every afternoon. She and I are reading her Bible every day during her sister's afternoon nap. I'm finding time during the day to really invest in my kids and I'm loving that.
However, I'm still struggling. I love running. I really do- it helps me stay sane and healthy. And as a person who's struggled with depression and anxiety, I don't say that lightly. It's always been an important part of me taking care of myself, and I know that taking care of myself is super important. God's been so faithful to provide me with the energy and patience that I generally gain from running, but I'm still antsy. Wanting to get back out there, just not finding the right solution. Right now my choices are: run in the afternoon after naptime, and run errands after the kids are asleep, or wake up and run at 5 am. And besides just not wanting to wake up at 5 am, I'm just not entirely sure that's safe. So I'm praying and waiting, hoping a solution makes itself apparent soon.
Thank you guys for caring- sometimes I feel like I'm mainly writing to myself, and it's nice to get little notes that tell me I'm not.
I've always been a big fan of finding the cause of the behavior as opposed to just correcting the behavior. Of course, I address the behavior but I try to really think through things instead of just saying "you're being bad! Go to time out!" I know that if I'm angry with Chuck over something, I want him to find out why I'm angry and either apologize or tell me his side of things. I do not want him to say "you're acting stupid, I'm just going to ignore you now."
Sometimes I find that my way "works", other times I think it would be way easier just to spank her and tell her to shape up. But honestly, that's just not the way I parent. So last week, after I vented my way through my blog post, I planned some fun activities for just Jade and I to do. We painted, we played with the sensory tub, we made dinner, we played with play doh. We've done a lot of practicing gymnastics and running around the backyard to make sure she's burning all her energy. Saturday, Chuck took her out on a "date" for doughnuts. All things to help her realize how special she is to us. And I've found that just by consciously making that effort to spend one-on-one time with her, her behavior improves dramatically.
Now don't get me wrong, things have not been perfect around here. She's still throwing tantrums. I'm still losing my temper. She's still being sent to time out. It's just not happening quite as much as it was last week.
God has really been showing me *why* He wanted me at home more and on the road less. All of those things I've been listing up there that I've been doing with Jade? Never would have happened if I was still running every morning and running errands every afternoon. She and I are reading her Bible every day during her sister's afternoon nap. I'm finding time during the day to really invest in my kids and I'm loving that.
However, I'm still struggling. I love running. I really do- it helps me stay sane and healthy. And as a person who's struggled with depression and anxiety, I don't say that lightly. It's always been an important part of me taking care of myself, and I know that taking care of myself is super important. God's been so faithful to provide me with the energy and patience that I generally gain from running, but I'm still antsy. Wanting to get back out there, just not finding the right solution. Right now my choices are: run in the afternoon after naptime, and run errands after the kids are asleep, or wake up and run at 5 am. And besides just not wanting to wake up at 5 am, I'm just not entirely sure that's safe. So I'm praying and waiting, hoping a solution makes itself apparent soon.
Thank you guys for caring- sometimes I feel like I'm mainly writing to myself, and it's nice to get little notes that tell me I'm not.
Monday, October 29, 2012
Piper grows up- 11 months
Piper-girl,
You've now been 11 months old for a week (ok, a week and 2 days..) and I can hardly believe it. It seems so surreal to say that you're almost one and to think that very soon, I will have a one-year old and a two-year old.
This month has been full of lots of change. I am now confident that you are saying "mama", although you never bother to actually say it to me. So far, that's your only "real" word and I can't wait until we know what you're saying more often because you talk a lot!
You are standing on your own more and more and I am fairly confident that if you wanted to walk, you could. Your balance is really good, but even if I try to hold your hands and get you to take a step, you just sit down. However, you love the walker wagon and walk just fine behind it. At this point, if you walked tomorrow I wouldn't be surprised and I also wouldn't be surprised if you waited until you're 14-months old. I figure you'll do it when you're ready :)
I feel pretty confident saying that your daddy and your sister are your 2 favorite people and that I'm a very close third. You want mama for her milk, but you love to play with daddy and your sister can get you to smile and laugh a whole lot more easily than anyone else can. You do very well in the nursery at church and at MOPS- they all comment on how sweet and independent you are, but you also crawl into their laps and cuddle with them when you get sleepy, which I'll admit makes mama jealous because you're not much for snuggles!
Overall, your sleep improved this month but is still far from perfect. Recently, you seem to think that between 4:30-5 am is the perfect time to wake up for the day. Needless to say, no one else in the house agrees and we're all hoping you change your mind soon.
Your 8th tooth is FINALLY here and I'm hoping that the grumps that came along with it will be gone soon.
You love being worn, and I probably wear you more now than I did 4 months ago. Most nights these days, daddy isn't home when I start to make dinner, so you're on my back and sister is "helping". I also wear you most days when we walk the dogs and if we run any errands at all.
You love to clap and do it all the time. You are starting to wave and have also started to sign milk. Although, honestly, your wave and the sign for milk look very similar. But when we tell you to wave, you stick your hand out and sign milk and other than that, you only sign milk when your nursing and your hand is usually close to your face.
Speaking of nursing, you LOVE to nurse. Seriously, if I kept track I'd say it's around 10 times a day, sometimes less, sometimes more.This makes me a bit nervous because we're leaving you with grandmama and grandpapa for 4 nights in December, but we'll figure it out.
You are actually getting *less* smiley as you get older, which is something I didn't expect. You are still a very happy baby, but you used to smile at everyone we saw and now you're starting to grow more suspicious of people and just kind of stare at them. But you still smile MUCH more readily than your sister did.
I just got the 9-12 month clothes out of the attic because your 9 month stuff was getting to short. So you're not a big girl, but you sure do seem like one to me :)
Mama loves you so much, sweet girl, and I can't wait to see what you become.
Lots of love,
Mama
You've now been 11 months old for a week (ok, a week and 2 days..) and I can hardly believe it. It seems so surreal to say that you're almost one and to think that very soon, I will have a one-year old and a two-year old.
This month has been full of lots of change. I am now confident that you are saying "mama", although you never bother to actually say it to me. So far, that's your only "real" word and I can't wait until we know what you're saying more often because you talk a lot!
You are standing on your own more and more and I am fairly confident that if you wanted to walk, you could. Your balance is really good, but even if I try to hold your hands and get you to take a step, you just sit down. However, you love the walker wagon and walk just fine behind it. At this point, if you walked tomorrow I wouldn't be surprised and I also wouldn't be surprised if you waited until you're 14-months old. I figure you'll do it when you're ready :)
I feel pretty confident saying that your daddy and your sister are your 2 favorite people and that I'm a very close third. You want mama for her milk, but you love to play with daddy and your sister can get you to smile and laugh a whole lot more easily than anyone else can. You do very well in the nursery at church and at MOPS- they all comment on how sweet and independent you are, but you also crawl into their laps and cuddle with them when you get sleepy, which I'll admit makes mama jealous because you're not much for snuggles!
Overall, your sleep improved this month but is still far from perfect. Recently, you seem to think that between 4:30-5 am is the perfect time to wake up for the day. Needless to say, no one else in the house agrees and we're all hoping you change your mind soon.
Your 8th tooth is FINALLY here and I'm hoping that the grumps that came along with it will be gone soon.
You love being worn, and I probably wear you more now than I did 4 months ago. Most nights these days, daddy isn't home when I start to make dinner, so you're on my back and sister is "helping". I also wear you most days when we walk the dogs and if we run any errands at all.
You love to clap and do it all the time. You are starting to wave and have also started to sign milk. Although, honestly, your wave and the sign for milk look very similar. But when we tell you to wave, you stick your hand out and sign milk and other than that, you only sign milk when your nursing and your hand is usually close to your face.
Speaking of nursing, you LOVE to nurse. Seriously, if I kept track I'd say it's around 10 times a day, sometimes less, sometimes more.This makes me a bit nervous because we're leaving you with grandmama and grandpapa for 4 nights in December, but we'll figure it out.
You are actually getting *less* smiley as you get older, which is something I didn't expect. You are still a very happy baby, but you used to smile at everyone we saw and now you're starting to grow more suspicious of people and just kind of stare at them. But you still smile MUCH more readily than your sister did.
I just got the 9-12 month clothes out of the attic because your 9 month stuff was getting to short. So you're not a big girl, but you sure do seem like one to me :)
Mama loves you so much, sweet girl, and I can't wait to see what you become.
Lots of love,
Mama
* compared to Jade at 11-months
** very happily writing this post from my new MacBook Pro. Adding that picture was incredibly easy!
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
The plague and the possessed child
Last week, I was taken down by a stomach virus that made me yearn for my mama and the cool washcloths she always put on the back of my neck when I was puking. Friday included an emergency visit to the pediatrician because Jade's temp was holding steady at 96.3 and "that's not good" (quote from the nurse practitioner). She turned out to be fine, just inflicted with the same virus her mama had, but with the benefit of having a stomach of steel. While she was fine, that 30 minutes outside the house wore me out so much that the highlight of our afternoon was me laying on the floor in my bedroom groaning while my two children played with bottles of fingernail polish.
Chuck did an amazing job of keeping things running around here, but after I felt better it still took about 2 days to get this house looking like I hadn't had a stomach virus and now I'm truly just exhausted.
Jade is going through a... phase. And while I love her more than I can possibly describe, right now I have to say that I don't like her. Her attitude has quickly become one of a 15-year-old: she doesn't like that, doesn't want to do that, doesn't have to obey me, can't do this, etc. This has been distressing on so many levels, mainly because I want to know where my happy kid is! I feel like I'm in totally over my head and worry that she's still going to be acting like this when she is 15 and begin to feel like a failure.
This week also brought a wonderful sermon at church that was given along with a 7-day challenge to "always pray, always be joyful, and always be grateful". Can I just say that I am failing that challenge? Prayers are uttered continuously, but I have not always been grateful and certainly haven't been joyful.
I am, of course, grateful for my children. It's just maintaining an attitude of gratitude in my daily life that is so difficult. Being grateful when Jade's throwing a tantrum on the side of the road because I won't let her walk Belle home instead of riding her bike. Being grateful when she takes a short nap and then (purposefully) wakes her sister up as well. Being grateful when she smears peanut butter all over the table when I leave the room to change Piper's diaper. Yeah, not so grateful then.
Unfortunately, it's also pretty hard to exhibit an attitude of joy in those times as well. I want my kids to grow up thinking of our home as a happy place, a comfortable place. I'm praying Jade will remember us cuddling on the couch reading her Bible story this morning and not the 5 times she's been in time out today.
So I am failing. But I am trying. And I'm just going to keep trying. Because being prayerful, joyful and grateful are things that are worth trying for. God has given me the tools to be those things even in the worst of times, and I certainly can now. But I could use some prayers, friends. Because this isn't easy, and I am one tired, overwhelmed mama.
Chuck did an amazing job of keeping things running around here, but after I felt better it still took about 2 days to get this house looking like I hadn't had a stomach virus and now I'm truly just exhausted.
Jade is going through a... phase. And while I love her more than I can possibly describe, right now I have to say that I don't like her. Her attitude has quickly become one of a 15-year-old: she doesn't like that, doesn't want to do that, doesn't have to obey me, can't do this, etc. This has been distressing on so many levels, mainly because I want to know where my happy kid is! I feel like I'm in totally over my head and worry that she's still going to be acting like this when she is 15 and begin to feel like a failure.
This week also brought a wonderful sermon at church that was given along with a 7-day challenge to "always pray, always be joyful, and always be grateful". Can I just say that I am failing that challenge? Prayers are uttered continuously, but I have not always been grateful and certainly haven't been joyful.
I am, of course, grateful for my children. It's just maintaining an attitude of gratitude in my daily life that is so difficult. Being grateful when Jade's throwing a tantrum on the side of the road because I won't let her walk Belle home instead of riding her bike. Being grateful when she takes a short nap and then (purposefully) wakes her sister up as well. Being grateful when she smears peanut butter all over the table when I leave the room to change Piper's diaper. Yeah, not so grateful then.
Unfortunately, it's also pretty hard to exhibit an attitude of joy in those times as well. I want my kids to grow up thinking of our home as a happy place, a comfortable place. I'm praying Jade will remember us cuddling on the couch reading her Bible story this morning and not the 5 times she's been in time out today.
So I am failing. But I am trying. And I'm just going to keep trying. Because being prayerful, joyful and grateful are things that are worth trying for. God has given me the tools to be those things even in the worst of times, and I certainly can now. But I could use some prayers, friends. Because this isn't easy, and I am one tired, overwhelmed mama.
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