Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Re-entering life

The past week has been a doozy. Doozy. That doesn't pull up a spell-check line. Huh. Sometimes the things that *are* real words surprise me.


Piper sick. Jade sick. Me sick. Chuck sick. Family in town. Thanksgiving dinner. Lots of missed activities. Traditions skipped.

It makes me a not-nice person. I pray and pray "God help me to keep being a nice person." It's still hard. Hard to be patient when you just want to lay down and groan. Hard to cuddle when you need to be cuddled. Hard to be a good mama when you just want your mama.

So yeah. I'm constantly learning things about myself. Learning what I can handle and when I just need to walk away. Learning when I need extra support. And somehow, I have recently learned that without consistent time to myself, I become a beast to be around. How am I 28-years old and just figuring that out?

In a way, it makes me happy. Learning about myself, learning how to pamper myself and when to say "suck it up, Erin". Makes me feel like I'm actually growing up. Most of the time, I still feel like a teenager. When I hear people say "that lady" and realize they're talking about me, I still do a double-take. But it's so nice to realize that I'm growing. Not physically (please God, not physically!!), but spiritually, emotionally. It's so nice that God cares so much about me that He's helping me to learn more about myself. He's showing me where I'm strong and where I need some work. He's helping me through this time, which has been a bit tough with it's isolation.

I look forward to looking back on myself in 10 years and thinking "look how much I've learned!" It's amazing that I know myself better now than I ever have, but I will know even more in 10 years and even more in 20. I love that God cares so much- it overwhelms me. His love is overwhelming in such an awesome kind of way.

There's no point to this post, just some ramblings to let y'all know that I'm still alive and still have thoughts sloshing around up in my brain.

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