Before having kids, I was a pretty organized, on top of things individual. I'm not saying my house was always spotless or I didn't have to write things down, but I remembered things. I got places on time. If someone asked me to do something and I couldn't write it down immediately, I remembered it until I got to a place where I could.
Now? Not so much. I'm seriously amazed at some of the stupid things I do and it's even more amazing to me that there are moms that are uber successful in the workplace. Before I had kids, I was impressed by them, but now I want to beg them for their secrets. Without to do lists, I am a disaster. Something not on the calendar? I won't be there.
It's pretty pathetic, really. I hope that when my kids get older and I'm not longer breastfeeding or pregnant, some of my brain power will come back to me, but I don't know. It's been a while now so I think it might just be gone.
So I'm trying to adapt. Get used to the feeling of being spastic. It's especially bad in social situations, because that's where I'm most uncomfortable. Put me in front of people when I don't feel 100% prepared and I start rambling and sounding like a 13-year old. It's lovely.
But this morning in my devotional (if you're looking for something to do, check out SheReadsTruth- it's awesome), she talks about the blessing Christ has given us. That He has taken our burdens and given us blessings. We read Psalm 127, which says "unless the Lord builds the house, the builders labor in vain".
Read it before? Me too. But today it hit me between the eyes. I rarely get a break during the day. I make breakfast, clean up breakfast (often while wearing a fussy baby), get 3 people ready for the day, go out somewhere, come home and make lunch, clean up lunch, put two kiddos down for a nap, do laundry, vacuum, etc etc etc. And all of those things are important. One of my goals for my kids is that when they're teenagers they can have friends over without asking me first. That they can call on their way home from somewhere and say "hey mom, we'll be there in 5 minutes" and I will say "ok" and not freak out on them because the house is a mess and I don't want anyone to see it. But I'm realizing more and more that achieving that goal has far more to do with my mindset than my productivity.
When I think of what I want in a home, I want a peaceful (as peaceful as you can get with kids anyways) place that makes people feel like they're at home. Comfortable. I don't think "spotless" or "perfectly decorated" because that's not something I'll ever achieve. So this is something I'm working on- being a good hostess, and helping people feel comfortable in my home.
But I realized this morning that all of my Pinterest projects can't make that happen. Only God can. And if I'm just toiling and toiling away to have a "welcoming" home, I'm gonna feel spastic and spent all the time and my home will be anything but welcoming. Another verse in Psalm 127 says that He grants sleep to those He loves. Isn't that amazing? Of course, it doesn't say how much sleep and my dream of 9 hours a night and a nap in the afternoon probably isn't gonna happen (I really like sleep), but He doesn't want us to stay up all night working on things that don't matter. Things that will make no impact on the Kingdom. Things of Earthly value instead of eternal value.
So despite the fact that my brain is missing, I can live like a blessed, rested person. Because God cares about me that much. "He has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ."