Sometimes

the pictures in this post have nothing to do with the post because I'm awesome like that

Sometimes life just doesn't make sense. The good guys lose and the bad guys win. Yesterday I got some news from a friend and I just hung my head and cried for her. And then yelled. I'm a yeller. Sad, mad, happy, whatever- I yell. So I yelled and I cried and I yelled and cried some more and here I am, a day later, yelled and cried out and still not sure what the next step is.

If I ever lose my phone, I know who has it.

Lately, I've started trying to be more intentional with my days. If I stay at home and don't have any activities, goals, or whatever planned for the day I wind up kind of wandering and lost. I'm not to the point yet of making a schedule of each day, but I do think through our days and try to think of ways to incorporate "lessons" if you will.

Playing outside on a nice day

One of the things that this has helped me to realize is that I'm not always intentional with my kids. Sure, I feed them, bathe them, dress them, drive them places. I play with them, I teach Jade things. But when I think "what do I want them to look like as adults and what am I doing now to ensure that end result happens?" I'm kind of stumped. It's such a BIG thing that it seems impossible and overwhelming.

Kid cracks me up

So I've started to make a list of character traits I want them to have. I haven't really gotten to the point where I know what I need to do to make that happen, but I figure this is a start. One of the biggest things I've come up with (after faith and just all-around responsibility) is that I want them to know how to be a friend.

At a friend's birthday party

One of the reasons this is a big deal to me is that I have *amazing* friends that will do anything for me. And just like I strive to be a friend like that, I want my girls to be friends like that too. To take note of someone's favorite coffee drink or Chick-fil-A order and surprise them one day. To go out of your way to show someone that they're important to you. To make other people feel special.

Riding backwards

So right now, I'm trying to make sense of things that don't make sense and having to hand over that concern and anger to God over and over again. And I'm trying to be a good friend. Because while I can't fix her pain, I can show her that she matters. And I can show my girls how to do the same. And pray every day that they grow up to have amazing friends like I do and that they will know how to be a friend as well.