Friday both of my girls went to mother's morning out, which gave me 3 whole hours to myself. I'm sure there's something else I should have/could have done, but I went to Panera and drank coffee and just relaxed. When I first sat down, I wrote my blog post about God telling me that I'm not supposed to be enough. When I finished that, I picked up "The Resolution for Women" by Priscilla Shirer (have I mentioned how amazing I think she is??) and read the first two chapters. Where she shares that what we have on hand is enough.
"God is able to make every grace overflow to you, so that in every way, always having everything you need, you may excel in every good work." 2 Corinthians 9:8
Pricilla says, "Your God can be trusted to grant you the supply you need to excel at His purposes." She goes on to say that if God has set a task before you, that He has already matched that task with an equivalent-to-overflowing supply of His grace.
As I'm sitting there in Panera reading along, I'm thinking "this is awesome! I have everything I need! I'm enough for my girls!" And then I thought, "wait. what?" I mean, didn't I just write that post about not being enough? Didn't God just comfort me with that truth yesterday? That I'm human and flawed and that I don't have to be capable of everything?
I'll admit that I probably laid my head down on the table in frustration. I felt so encouraged after my walk Thursday. So free after realizing that I wasn't designed to be fulfilling their every need. That I'm not supposed to do everything. And here I was reading that God's given me enough grace to accomplish every task before me. The two seemed contradictory.
So I prayed. I told God that I know that Priscilla Shirer girl is awesome, but she was obviously wrong this time. I told Him that I do *not* have everything I need to accomplish every task before me. And then He, with His everlasting patience, told me I had it all wrong. Again. Priscilla wasn't saying I had everything I need to be perfect. She was saying I had everything I need to fully participate in my life. That although I certainly am not perfect and cannot do everything both girls want me to do, that I can be fully engaged with them. That I don't have to hold back my time or my energy because God will continue to replenish me.
So really, I think it's a balance. After my "freeing" walk, I wasn't planning to go home, throw both kids in their beds and sit on the couch and read because "I can't do everything they need anyways". I was still trying, still striving, still reaching and growing in this thing called motherhood. And God used Priscilla to remind me that no matter how tired I am at the end of the day, God will fill me back up and I can continue to pour myself out to these girls.
God's good like that.